Why Mr. Solara? Why?

 

On the way to work this morning, I saw a Toyota Solara with a vinyl top. I just stared and said, "Why?"

You might be thinking, "So what, Jay?"

First of all, I think you would have to go back to the late 70s or maybe early 80s to find a Toyota that left the factory with a vinyl top. Toyota never, ever put a vinyl top on a Solara. That means somebody went to an automotive upholstery shop and paid good American dollars to have that done. 

Again you might be thinking, "So what, Jay?"

Here's the thing. A vinyl top is the worst of all worlds. It's all the maintenance issues of a convertible with none of the benefits. 

Then one might say, "Jay, a convertible top doesn't require maintenance. You just wash it with the rest of the car."

Vinyl tops and convertibles need cleaning, conditioning and protection. It's important to wash with a soft bristle brush - nothing too abrasive. Your local auto parts store likely carries a soap intended for convertible tops. Then apply a specialized UV-blocking protectant or repellent. If the material isn't clean and protected, it will dry out and crack. With a vinyl top, that means you go from bad to worse. With a convertible, that means your top is no longer keeping out water.

In addition to all that, it's a very dated look. Vinyl tops were allegedly popular because they gave a car a more high-end look at lower cost. Personally, I've always thought they looked stupid and did nothing but provide rust a place to form.

I realize this is an awful lot of thought to devote to the roof of a Toyota Solara. But that's how my brain works. I see a vinyl roof on a Toyota on the way to work, ask myself, “Why would anyone do that?” and two hours later I'm reading about convertible-top care and the history of vinyl roofs.

So, I still don't know what possessed Solara guy to put a vinyl top on a perfectly good coupe. Whatever the reason, I'm sure Solara guy and I are never going to agree.

I Notice When You Endanger Me

A morning commute, a gold Mercedes E-Class, and a reminder that aggressive driving isn't just about how fast you go.  

I'd like to address the lady in the gold E-Class Mercedes who passed me on the way to work today, and people like her whose priorities are out of whack.

Let's call her Goldilocks.

I was on I-516 in the left lane behind an HVAC service truck. We were both cruising along at 65 in a 55 when I spotted the gold E-Class coming up on me pretty quickly in the rearview mirror.

I thought to myself, If I'm doing 65, Goldilocks must be pushing triple digits.

I decided that if she was driving that fast, she was probably capable of all kinds of bad judgment. So I moved over to the right lane.

If you'd asked me ahead of time whether there was enough room between me, in the right lane, and the service truck, ahead of me in the left lane, for Goldilocks to pass, I'd have said, "Um, no fucking way."

Goldilocks had other ideas.

She carved herself a middle lane and passed me at a rather uncomfortable distance, then squeezed past the service truck, also uncomfortably close from my perspective.

I guess the kamikaze pass shook both me and the guy in the service truck a little, because the next thing I remember, I looked down at the speedometer and saw that I was doing 75.

Wait. What the hell am I doing?

I eased off the gas until I was back around 65.

Goldilocks was already so far ahead of me that I'm guessing she was, in fact, hitting the triple digits I'd imagined earlier.

Now, it's not my job to tell people how fast to drive. It's none of my business—until you endanger the people around you.

I notice when you endanger me, Goldilocks.

I understand being in a hurry. I understand the desire to drive enthusiastically. Hell, I enjoy driving too.

What I don't understand is following too closely, changing lanes without signaling, or driving erratically in close proximity to other people.

If you want to drive like you're late for something, that's your business.

But challenge yourself, Goldilocks.

Think about somebody besides yourself for a change.

Bigger Bag Please

About a year ago, I needed to cut down some expenses to help pay for a pricey car repair bill. One step I took was successfully converting from an 'eat-out' lunch guy, to a 'bring lunch from home' guy. I saved a ton of money that way, and continued to bring lunch from home after the repair was paid off.

Although I don't have a car repair bill staring me in the face today, it feels good to make a change and see the direct impact on the 'ol bank account. With that in mind, I recently looked at how much I spend on coffee and decided to do some research on ways to cut that down. I live a few hundred yards from an outstanding coffee joint that roasts their own beans - and they do an outstanding job. Most coffees I buy there are about $15 for a 12 oz. bag - which is the going rate for a bag of good coffee beans. I go through 4 or 5 bags a month, and at 15 bucks a pop that adds up quickly.

The first decision I made was to move from the very popular 12 oz. bags to a 2 lb. bag. I keep coffee inside a dark cupboard in ball jars - so keeping a larger amount of coffee fresh is not an issue. However, finding great coffee *I like* in a 2 lb. bag proved to be more of a challenge.
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SIDE NOTE: If you're thinking you don't have ball jars or cabinet space and you'll just keep your big bag in the freezer, please search for my blog on why this is a bad-for-your-coffee idea, and do not store your coffee in the freezer
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Costco has a variety of coffees in 2 lb. bags, but most of them tend to be very dark roast coffees. Lots of people love dark roast coffees, and I certainly appreciate it from time to time. However, generally I prefer lighter roasts. Dark coffee flavor offers predominantly roasty flavors, which overpowers the unique flavors of specific origins - and I love those flavors. So Costco wasn't the solution for me.

I then moved my focus to Amazon. Since Amazon bought Whole Foods, they now have more to offer than ever in the way of coffee. I decided to give a bag of one of their house labeled "Amazon Fresh" coffees a try. I chose the, "Just Bright" light roast blend, which the label tells me is roasted in Seattle. Overall - it's excellent. I don't taste any kind of specific flavor note that makes it stand out, it's more of a mainstream blend - but it makes a delicious cup of coffee. I will definitely order it again. I paid $15.49 on Prime, so there was no shipping charge, and that's getting 32 oz. for roughly what I pay for 12 oz. down the street.

Pleased with the success of my new coffee source, I decided to keep trudging the road to happy coffee destiny, and try out a single origin coffee. Amazon also carries coffees from Fresh Roasted Coffee, LLC. - which is an operation out of Pennsylvania. I ordered a 2 lb. bag of Ethiopian Sidamo, which was $21.95 on Prime. Ethiopian coffees are among my favorites, and naturally have fruit-like flavor notes. I have found this flavor profile is typically more pronounced in Yirgacheffe varieties than in Sidamo. This Sidamo is no different - it has great natural origin flavors in a nice, even light roast. I'm very pleased with it, and will order again. That said, another of my favorites is Tanzanian Peaberry, and I see that Amazon carries that variety from the same roaster. I have a feeling that's next.

I still intend to support my local roasters, and can't imagine traveling without hunting for a good bag of beans to bring home. However, I have successfully cut my regular daily coffee expenses in half...and that feels pretty damn good.

Teriyaki Sauce

I like grilling stuff. Yes, yes…I’m aware the experts say burgers and steaks are best cooked in a hot cast iron skillet in their own fat. I’m not saying they’re wrong - I cook that way sometimes, too. However, there’s something about the little charred bits and the smoky flavors that makes grilled things rock. 

I like to marinade before grilling. Marinating imparts wonderful flavors into your food, tenderizes, and helps keep foods juicy.   

Real interest in preparing food (and being good at it) hit me when I was in high school.  One of my best friends back then was a guy named Joe, and we’re still the closest of friends today.  Back in nineteen-eighty-something, Joe’s mom shared her teriyaki recipe with me. Frankly, it kicks ass. 

It’s awesome by itself, but I have also used this recipe as a basis for a thousand variations…the possibilities are pretty much limitless. I’ve made it spicy with some sriracha or gochujang, or sweeter with Hoisin or pineapple juice. I’ve also added orange juice and Jamaican jerk seasoning blend. 

Here’s the foundation recipe:

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1 large clove of garlic - minced or pressed

1 TBS ginger

1 TBS sugar

2 TBS cider vinegar

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/4 cup white wine

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Now, I’m sure there’s a purist or two out there who’ll say, “Hey man, that’s not a true teriyaki sauce.”  To those people, I say - fine.  Rename the recipe to a name of your choosing, and call it your own...but try it!  It's tasty!

Back in nineteen-eighty-something I didn’t care about sugar, but if you watch sugar these days like I do, please know this works great with splenda instead. Also, if I have plenty of marinating time - I like to use fresh ginger instead of dry. Most times, I add some black pepper, too.

Chicken and beef both get very happy bathing in this concoction. I have also used it on venison, shrimp, tuna, and vegetables. Have fun with it!

Potato Salad from a Savannah Tavern

In 1987 after a year at Ferrum College in Southwest Virginia, I transferred to the Savannah College of Art & Design (widely known as SCAD) in Savannah, GA.  I always had a job during college...sometimes two, or even three.  Most of the jobs I had were related to the food service industry.  I waited tables, bartended, cooked, and did catering. 

One of the places I worked in the kitchen was a tavern on River Street. I think I may have signed an agreement saying I would not exchange information about recipes from the tavern with anyone, so I'll not call it out by name. That said, they were pretty well known for their reubens and potato salad. They were VERY secretive about that recipe...which I think is stupid.  Food brings people together, so why not share recipes so people can eat better at home? It's not as if people will stop going out to eat if you give out a recipe.  The Chart House was one of more expensive places to eat on River Street, and there was always a stack of free recipe cards by the front door there...and people *still* go there to eat.  Go figure! Secret recipes are just silly, gimmicky BS with a dash of paranoia.

I made literally hundreds of pounds in that tiny kitchen, so it was never necessary to take anything written...I just knew how to make it. I worked there over a year, and listened to lots of guesses as to what was in that famous potato salad. Garlic and dill were commonly guessed, but not ingredients. It's a case of simplicity at its finest - a very short ingredient list.

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5lbs. New Potatoes (Red)
8 oz. Sour Cream
8 oz. Mayo (I use Duke's)
3 or 4 Celery Stalks, chopped
1 Medium Yellow Onion (sweet if available), chopped
Salt and Pepper to taste*


Place potatoes in a large stock pot, cover with water and cook until a fork or skewer slides in and out of a potato easily.

While potatoes are cooking, make the dressing.  Place remaining ingredients in a food processor or blender, and blend well - but don’t purée. Set aside.

Drain potatoes and cool until you can handle them without causing a burn injury...but as hot as you can handle. This is because the pores of the potato are still open when the potato is hot, and will act more like a flavor sponge when you pour on the dressing. Peel and cut into bite sized chunks.

Pour dressing over potatoes and chill (preferably 24 hours before serving).


* Use more salt and pepper than you think you need. I never measure this - but I’d guess 1 1/2 to 2 tbs each...more pepper than salt.

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This recipe gets rave reviews from people who have been to that old tavern in Savannah, and those who haven't alike. Enjoy!

Tip Jar Gambling

Tip jars at the cash register are commonplace these days, and so are pre-calculated tip options when you pay with plastic. 

When this first became a thing, I felt like I was being coerced into tipping for services for which one doesn’t normally tip. However, I eventually relaxed that opinion, and began to tip a buck for coffee and such. 

Today - the reality of why all this bothered me reared it’s ugly head.

I ordered my lunch at a place where they give you one of those order numbers on a stick. You put it on your table, and then a food runner brings your order when it’s ready. It’s also a place where pre-calculated tip amounts pop up on the screen when you pay with plastic. I tipped the 15% option - which I felt is more than adequate for a food runner. 

When they hand you a fountain soda in this joint, they tell you to step back up to that spot at the counter is you want a refill. My favorite menu item in this particular joint is pretty spicy, so cold beverage is key. My cup ran dry, and I stepped back up to the counter for a refill. 

As I stood at the counter waiting for a refill, no less than 5 employees made eye contact with me over the course of several minutes. Not one offered to help me. 

So - herein lies the problem. When you tip up front, you tip before you know whether or not the service warrants a good tip. It’s a total gamble, and today I lost.

#firstworldproblem 

The Stick Has Been Secured

Shortly after moving to Richmond, Virginia in 1993, I started a sales job with a sign company. One of my key accounts was the local East Coast Hockey League team, the Richmond Renegades - who back then were part of the Hartford Whalers farm system (1994 to 1997).

Part of the account was handled in trade for tickets, so I was fortunate enough to have fantastic center ice seats and went to the majority of home games.

The 1994-95 season was a stellar one for the Renegades. They played strong hockey all season, and made their way through the playoffs to the championship where they defeated Greensboro in 5 games to win the Riley Cup (now the Kelly Cup). There were a number of standouts on that team, but the guy who put the puck in the back of the net most often was Scott Gruhl - who played in 49 games and scored 31 goals. As a gesture of appreciation for vendor partners of the Renegades that season - a number of hockey sticks were distributed. I was lucky enough to get one of Scott Gruhl's.

Fast forward 17 years, and I'm hanging out with Joe Mueller - one of my oldest and closest friends. He sees the Gruhl stick sitting in the corner my living room and says, "Hey - I'm good friends with Jay Murphy, one of Gruhl's teammates on that championship team. I'll bet he can get that signed for you... Gruhl is still in the Richmond area." I gladly handed it over to him, and promptly forgot about it.

Time went by, and I didn't think about it much. I figured - if it happens, it happens. One day, Joe calls me up, and tells me Jay Murphy managed to get the stick signed. When presented for signature, Scott Gruhl looked at it and immediately realized he didn't have one like it himself and offered to buy it! However, Joe knows me well - and told Jay Murphy... nope - not for sale.

A hockey stick is an oddly shaped item to ship (since I no longer live in Richmond), so we decided to delay the handoff until it was convenient... meaning: one of us wasn't going to have to try to carry a hockey stick onto an airplane. So - more time went by...but a few days ago I was driving through Richmond after visiting family in Virginia. I met Joe for lunch, and the 5 year mission came to an end. I finally got the stick back with Scott Gruhl's signature on it.

Scott Gruhl had a storied hockey career over almost 20 years in the NHL, IHL, and ECHL, and retired as one of the most productive IHL scorers of all-time. I personally have a 20+ year relationship with this hockey stick, and am really stoked to have it back.

Later, Starbucks

Ahhhh….Starbucks.

You sold me my first cup of Starbucks coffee at your Willow Lawn Mall store in Richmond, VA…around 1996 or 97 when there were only about 1,000 stores.  Before that day, my coffee purchases were not unlike the way I buy sugar: whatever’s cheap, in bulk, and on sale.  But my first cup of the bucks transformed my relationship with coffee from one purely of utilitarian purpose into that of coffee enthusiast. The Willow Lawn store wasn’t in the path of my daily travels - but it was the only Starbucks in town back then, and soon I went out of my way to go there to get a cup of the hallowed Starbucks joe.

If you have a description of your model loyal customer, it’s likely close to describing the way I was (until recently).  You’ve sold me swag like coasters and tumblers.  You’ve sold me beans.  You’ve sold me coffee, espresso, latte, iced tea, and snacks. A number of your baristas got to know me by name, and I’ve taught many of them how to make a proper cortado. For years I’ve been “checking in” at your stores via different social media outlets like Twitter and Facebook – which, of course, is great for your brand awareness.

When I first heard about the Gold Card rewards program, I joined immediately.  My card is dated 2011.  It made me feel like Starbucks really appreciated my business. I felt like I spent a fair amount of my money in your stores, and the program felt like SBX saying, “thanks”.  I loved earning a free drink, and getting a freebie on my birthday.  I was initially nervous about putting the Starbucks app on my phone and using it to pay – but I eventually did, and found it to be quite convenient.

Your first major offense was the Single Origin Ethiopian.  Coffees from that part of the world, and specifically from that country, are some of my favorites.  Ethiopian coffees often have natural flavor notes of citrus and berries. However, all of that can be overwritten if you over-roast…which you did.

Then you changed the rewards program, and I became soured.  It became more complicated – with some drinks worth more points than others, and stars that expire.  I don’t want my rewards program to be complicated – I’ve got too much other complicated stuff in life occupying my limited bandwidth.  

Consequently, the frequency of my visits to your stores tapered off.  Then there was that day you sent me an email stating I’ve been demoted to Green level from Gold…which for some reason soured me even more.

The majority of people probably didn’t react like me when you changed the program, and successful sales organizations know – you have to play the percentages. Now with over 25,000 stores - the numbers certainly are in your favor, making my business insignificant.  I get that. However, while you’re playing to the percentages – if I’m irked by the changes, there’s a solid chance I’m not alone.

I used to go out of my way to get coffee from you.  Now I go out of my way to get coffee from local independent roasters instead. The metro Atlanta area has some great ones…Rev, Octane, Dancing Goats, and the mighty Cool Beans.

So I’m going to say thanks – it’s been a good run.  I’m not going to need my Gold card anymore.  I know being demoted in rewards program status doesn’t require I send my gold card back, but I’m not interested in giving you real estate in my wallet any longer.  

Ciao.

The (Graphic) World is Flat

I went on a graphic design job interview back in 2008…maybe 2009.  I met in a conference room with four people, all roughly 10 years younger than me. After answering a barrage of their questions, reviewing my portfolio, and asking a few questions of my own (always a good idea), they gave me some homework to do. They described one of the company’s software products to me, and asked me to come up with branding for it…a test, if you will. We scheduled a meeting a few days later to review my branding idea, and off I went. 

When I returned, I had what I felt was one of the best logo/branding ideas I’d ever done. During my presentation, I explained my design philosophy…how I designed in black and white to show the strength of the design itself without being dependent on color. Then I showed them how the design can be enhanced by color.  

The group then showed me some of the other branding and design they currently use for other products. It was all very photo rich, and used a lot of 3D looking things. They explained to me that my flat design style wasn’t what they were looking for.

Those 3D gizmos were nicely done, and very popular at the time…but they were trendy. However, most of it never had any purpose to me.  It was almost as if a given company was saying, “Look - we have the wherewithal to hire the very best photoshop talent.” Sadly, as cool as many of those designs were - they didn’t mean anything, or say anything about the product or service they represented. No message. They were just….cool.

Spring forward to 2016, and shortly 2017, and let’s look at hot design trends. The glassy looking buttons - passé. The horizon in the background with the reflection in the front - old shoe. The glassy 3D rendered gizmos - obsolete. 

That's nice, Jay - but what does all that mean besides you need to update your website? What’s hot?  

Flat.

That same design style I was trying to push years ago - is now officially in. The latest design trends are that of modern-retro and minimalism. Nothing needs to be transparent, or dimensional, or have a drop shadow. I’ve also noticed quite a bit of design that has a simplistic hand-drawn vibe.  

Not sure?  Let’s make an example out of one of the world’s biggest brands: Google.  Remember not all that long ago, Google’s wordmark had letters with a dimensional look and a drop shadow? Guess what? Flat. Google rebranded about a year ago, and now it’s all flat. Still multi-colored letters…but flat - like my holiday card design.

The world is flat! So, embrace it - or your brand will look dated…and you don’t want your brand to look like the world has passed it by. Talk to a graphic designer about it. Chances are you don’t have to reinvent the wheel, but rather just tweak things a little. In addition, if it’s simplified a little and flat - it’s easier to make it responsive…but responsive logos are a separate discussion. In the mean time, evaluate you brand, and don’t be so…2010.

John Stabb's Legacy

I went to a punk show at the Masquerade – a live music venue in Atlanta.  The headlining act was called “Flag”, and was the original members of the punk rock band Black Flag playing Black Flag tunes, but they have to roll under the name “Flag” for some kind of legal reason – probably an absurd one.  Flag put on a great show.  I love Keith Morris, and he was in his normal stellar form. 

There were a few opening acts, but War on Women from Baltimore was the band that played just prior to Flag.  I’d seen War on Women before, and made sure to arrive at the show in time to catch them.  I’d seen them in that same building a few months before, opening for Government Issue on what would be the final G.I. tour.  A few months after that tour, G.I. singer John Stabb was taken from us by cancer.  War on Women singer Shawna Potter introduced a song about half-way through their set by talking about that tour with Government Issue, and about the death of Stabb.  Then they broke into one of my favorite Government Issue songs, “They Know”.

As the band tore through a very well-executed cover of the classic DC hardcore tune, I started to get kinda choked up.  I’m not sure if it was because of Stabb’s passing, or the fact that I’ll never get to hear him sing that song again, or maybe it was because I was witnessing something I’d not seen first hand before; the influence of Stabb and Government Issue on punk rock moving forward…carrying on his legacy.

One thing was clear to me in that moment: Stabb’s passing had a much more profound effect on me than I figured.  I hope to see other performers give tribute to Government Issue…but it’s evident to me that Stabb’s absence is substantial.  There’s a hole in the scene, where Stabb used to be.

Photo from Stabb's Facebook page.

The Green Crack

A friend of mine posted a picture of a restaurant menu page showing a description of a sauce they called Green Crack.  With curiosity, I began to search the internet for answers.

The first recipe I found was basically a cilantro puree.  It had some vinegar, salt, mayo, and olive oil.  We found this recipe delicious - but I later found out the original sauce posted by my friend had avocado...so I went back to the drawing board.

I like to think of sauce recipes as living documents...but here's where I am with the Green Crack today:

1 bunch Cilantro - washed, patted dry
1 avocado - diced
2 garlic cloves - minced
2 tbs cider vinegar
3 tbs mayo
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cajun seasoning
2 tsp lime juice
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil

Combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor, and blend smooth.

Dip grilled chicken in it, dip veggies in it, schmear it on steak, spoon into tacos...enjoy!

That Smell

Driving to work this morning, I found myself at a traffic light behind a (probably) 20-year old Jeep Cherokee.

As I'm waiting for the light to change, I started to look over the old girl.  She's got one of those off-road roof rack baskets with a full-size spare in it, and a big red fuel tank.  The body is dark green, and the paint has been applied via rattle can - and applied whimsically in places. I can see overspray on the license plate and a few other places. There's a cargo strap wrapped around the tailgate, and it's attached to the rear set of side door handles - presumably holding the tailgate closed.  The wheels are a bit oversized, and the suspension's been lifted a few inches.

All that said - it's idling nicely...has a good exhaust note.

When the light changes, a pretty good amount of smoke emerges from the vehicle.  My first thought is; well - it's an old Jeep...probably has some formidable ring wear and is burning some oil.  But then the smell of the smoke makes it's way through the vents of my trusty Crown Vic, and I realize it's running rich - because I also smell the distinctive odor of excessive fuel burning.  The amount of smoke producing this combination smell isn't overwhelming - but certainly noticeable...especially when trying to make it up a large hill and the driver gives it more throttle.

But that's when the truth hits me: I like that smell.

Tom Brady Should Ask the NFL to Follow the Rules

I'm no Brady apologist, and I don't like the New England Patriots...but for the life of me - I don't understand the four game suspension, the $1 million fine, and the loss of draft picks.

Yes - I'm aware of the fact that he lied.  Yes - I'm aware of the fact that his actions may have provided him (and his team) an unfair advantage.  Furthermore, I'm aware of the fact that he deserves to be punished.  He broke a rule, and for that - there are consequences.

You may ask, "What's your problem, Jay? Dude got what he deserved!"

Well...no - he didn't.

According to the NFL rule book, the penalty for tampering with a football is a $25,000 fine.  There's no fine print underneath that provides stiffer punishment for playoff games, or high profile players.  There's no addendum with a $1 million fine if there's suspicion of prior ball tampering.  None of this penalty is in the rule book.  It's arbitrary, and nonsensical.

I'm just glad the NFL's jurisdiction starts and end with the NFL.  Can you imagine if Roger Goodell was a police chief?  He'd be like, "Yes, Mr. Brady.  It appears you were speeding...32 in a 25.  Now the normal fine for that is $115 plus court fees - but since it's you, we'll just make the fine $1,750.  Have a nice day, Mr. Brady.

The Brunswick Stew

I've worked with a number of a great people over the years. Thanks to the internet and social media, I'm still in touch with a great many of them. One of the best was Bill. He owns a small company where I worked twice; once in the mid-90's, and then again in the early 2000's.

Bill is a guy with a great sense of humor. I recall on the day he hired me – he started out with a pretty straight forward interview...asking a few questions about my skills and experience. After a time, he paused looking out the window, and then turned to me and asked, “Can you cuss and drink coffee?” I responded affirmatively and was hired on the spot.

Although Bill is extremely knowledgeable in his field and possesses determination and a work ethic like few I have ever known, it was often difficult to get a straight answer from him...due to the fact that he seems to get great pleasure from messing with people. Case in point: the Brunswick stew recipe.

The first summer I worked for Bill, he made an enormous pot of Brunswick stew at the company picnic. It was amazing, and I immediately asked if he would share the recipe...but he declined. During my second tenure of employment with him, I tried again to get the recipe – but was turned down again. Over the next ten or so years, I would periodically touch base with Bill via email and ask for the recipe...always being turned away, but figuring maybe one day persistence could pay off. In February of 2011, I asked once again for the recipe, and received the following response....

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An Indian and his son are sitting by their campfire.

The son asked, "Father, how do Indians get their names?"

The father says, "When the mother is in the teepee giving birth, and the father hears the baby's cry, the first thing he sees will be the name of the child. Our tribe has Running Brook, Soaring Eagle, Fallen Leaf, Prancing Fawn, and Black Crow."

The son thinks a minute and says quietly, "Oh, I see."

The father says, "Why do you ask this, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

So, my question to you is, why do you ask this, Two-Dogs-Fucking?

Are you doing something personal or public? Private or passed to someone else? Commercial or in the secrecy of your own kitchen?

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After I assured him it was for personal use only – he finally shared the recipe. I still haven't made it yet...as it calls for 23 lbs of chicken and a 12 gallon stock pot...but having it feels like victory. I guess persistence does pay off.

Politicians Breaking the Law - Scandalous!

Campaign signs on a public street in Arlington

Anyone who's not in the sign business probably hasn't given much thought to the laws pertaining to signage.  If you're one of those people - let me tell you, the laws are extensive and can be complicated...and they extend to political campaign signage, too.

Here in the Commonwealth, we just had a gubernatorial election.  That's a pretty big deal, and it got a lot of attention...and a lot of signage.  State laws in Virginia allow political campaign signage on private property starting 75 days prior to an election, and mandate removal no later than 15 days after an election...on private property.  There's also an allowance for signage near polling locations on election day itself - not to be placed within 40 feet of the entrance.

However, maybe you've noticed all political campaign signage doesn't take up roots on private property.  Maybe you saw an occasional roadside sign...on a median or street corner.  I did a little research on the codes, and one government site says and I quote, "State law prohibits putting political campaign signs on roads and medians."

Wow. If I understand that correctly - that means our honest and trustworthy gubernatorial candidates (and pretty much all candidates for this and other offices, past and present) are breaking the law prior to even getting elected to office!

I'd love to call a politician breaking the law scandalous, but the number of people in line to be shocked by it would rather be short.  That said - is there a point to all this?

What stands out to me initially is a politician's blatant disregard for the law - minor or not.  After that, leaving the signs behind after the election shows a willingness to litter all over what the consituents call home.  Granted, it hasn't been 15 days since the election...but that regulation only applies to signs on private property - not the ones that were never supposed to be there in the first place.

Until the political funding/contribution laws get a much needed overhaul - the candidates were getting plenty of support last time I checked.  May I suggest you save some funding for after the election - to hire a few unemployed people to walk along the highway and pick up all your trash? That would be great...thanks.

Single Origin Ethiopia: Charbucks Strikes Again

When roasting coffee, stopping the roasting process at a lower temperature produces a lighter colored bean. It allows the flavors of the bean's origins to come through after the beans are ground and brewed. There's more to it than this - but I'm keeping this blog simple.

Allowing the beans to roast to a higher temperature produces (you guessed it) a darker colored bean. This produces toasty carbony flavors, and often a complex sweetness from the caramelizing of the natural sugars in the coffee. 

Coffees from some regions of the world seem to lend themselves better than others to a lighter roast.  This roast is often referred to as a "City Roast", or a little darker is a "Full City Roast". Ethiopia produces some of my favorite coffees, and when lightly roasted the resulting brew has amazing floral and fruity flavors. So when I heard Starbucks was releasing a single origin Ethiopian coffee - I was anxious to try it out.

I'm sad to report that the SBX Ethiopian is roasted too dark. Mind you - it's a delicious cup of coffee, but to roast Ethiopian coffee into dark roast territory destroys all the lovely happiness that occurs in a light roast.  

Starbucks makes plenty of dark roast coffees....so many, in fact, they earned themselves the nickname "Charbucks" from many of the coffee aficionado crowd. Not only do they not need another dark roast coffee in their lineup, but roasting Ethiopian this dark is senseless. 

I suppose after nearly falling in love with the Kati Kati blend SBX released a few months ago - my expectations for the single origin Ethiopian were unrealistically high. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble distinguishing a difference between this and their French Roast (although admittedly I'm finding it more interesting, and will surely try it again).  

SBX Ethiopian synopsis? Good coffee - yes. Better than the celebration of mediocrity that is Pike Place - yes. Good  Ethiopian - no.

Freezer Error

I babble about coffee incessantly.  Although some may find it annoying or monotonous, sorry; I have no intention of changing.  One of the side effects of all my drivel has been that people have come to think I am somewhat knowledgeable on the subject of coffee.  To that end - I'd say I know a few things, but have far more to learn than I keep between my ears.

Experience has taught me there are a fair number of misconceptions about coffee.  One that I see most often is storing coffee in the freezer.  There's a right way and wrong way to use your freezer for coffee storage, and most folks are doing it wrong.

The error occurs when you take coffee in and out of the freezer repeatedly - like for daily use.  This is a problem because coffee is porous...which is fine and dandy if you like flavored coffee.  Although I don't care for flavored coffee - the porous nature of the bean means it easily absorbs the flavored syrups and oils.  However, it also means it'll absorb other things...like the flavor of seafood or the moisture that your freezer produces. This moisture will steadily deteriorate the oils in coffee and make it taste freezer burned. Wrecking the oils wrecks the flavor.

So what's the right way to use the freezer?  If you buy a quantity of beans that's more than you will consume in a month or two, you are at risk of the flavor profiles in the coffee beginning to change from the coffee getting old and stale...this is the oils deteriorating.  To avoid this, seal the coffee in an airtight bag - getting as much air as possible out of the bag.  Then put it in the freezer and leave it alone (I double bag mine using the thick freezer bags).  When you're ready to use it - remove it and store it at room temperature.

Once out of the freezer, keep the beans in a dark place and sealed in an airtight container or bag.  I like containers with crock style lids - which I find regularly in thrift stores for a buck or two. I store containers inside a kitchen cabinet.  Furthermore, keep the beans whole until you're ready to brew.  The flavor profiles of coffee can begin to change within an hour of grinding, so avoid grinding in advance.  And for the love of all that is good - avoid the shared big commercial grinder at the stores...who knows what was ground in there before you put your coffee in?  Even a cheap $15 blade grinder used right before you brew is far superior to using the in-store grinder.

So keep it sealed, use it as close to the roast date as is possible, and never, never, ever keep it the refrigerator.  That's the worst.  Life's too short to drink cheap coffee...but good coffee is too expensive to not treat it right and get the most out of it.

Brewing the Funky Chicken

Sometimes I find myself purchasing a product purely because the packaging is cool.  That said, I make my living as a graphic artist - so you can understand why I might scrutinize package design a bit more than the average joe....and a package of joe is the subject at hand.

As a self-proclaimed coffee snob, I like to buy locally roasted coffees.  There's an organic food market not far from my home called Mom's (My Organic Market), and they have a nice variety of coffees roasted in Maryland and Virginia.  I frequently buy Equal Exchange coffee by the pound there - which is a fair trade coffee they sell by the pound.  It's a small batch roast coffee, and at 10 or 11 bucks a pound - it's hard to beat.

However - yesterday while picking up some beans I spotted a coffee I'd not noticed before.  The roaster was Red Rooster Coffee Roasters out of Floyd, VA - which is in far-out nowhere Southwest Virginia.  Aside from being a local small batch roaster, it was the packaging that roped me in. "Funky Chicken" is the name of the blend, under which it reads "For Medicinal Use Only"...which conjured up an involuntary chortle from me in the store.  Then I noticed they'd stamped a roast date on the bag and it was roasted just a few weeks ago...so I grabbed the bag and headed toward the register.

Upon opening the bag, I immediately noticed the beans showing a variety of different brown tones.  Small variations can sometimes just be the result of small batch roasting; it's hard to get a perfectly even roast with small batch.  However - this variation was more pronounced, indicating this was not the type of blend where a variety of beans are roasted together - but rather the type of blend where after the specific origin roasts are done, the roaster takes a scoop of this and a scoop of that, and mixes it all together.  Please note: I've never seen the inner workings of a small batch roaster - so this is purely a guess.  The smell was intoxicating - so into the grinder it went.  This was to be my morning coffee - which I normally do in a automatic drip coffee maker...and today was no different.

Back of the bag reads, "Intense flavor with plenty of body and a fruit finish."  I've had some intense coffees in my day, and I don't think that would be the word I use.  I did detect the fruity tones - Ethiopian or Tanzanian is possibly responsible for those.  Even though it's not intense, it's a really nice, mellow morning coffee with a sufficient caffeine punch.  I was not blown away, and am not rethinking the pecking order of my favorites...but it's surely nice enough to gift and I'll likely buy it again.  I'll give it a try in a pour over and pull a shot or two of espresso with it and report back if something miraculous happens.

The Salsa

When Herndon, VA's legendary Mexican joint The Tortilla Factory closed down after over 30 years of fabulous food, there were a whole lot of saddened people.  We were sad we could no longer dine in what had become a Herndon institution...but mainly because we could no longer get the chips and salsa.  The chips were home made and sensational...but the salsa was something really special.  The restaurant closure left us standing in the shadow of a huge condimental void, and my old friend Mason and I decided; the only way to step out of the darkness was to make our own salsa...and so the pursuit to replicate the Tortilla Factory salsa began.

After some digging (and bothering people who used to work at the restaurant), we got our hands on what we were told was "the" recipe.  Mason and I experimented with it, and we have both implemented subtle variations to the recipe we started with.  At first, my variations came in the name of trying to replicate the Tortilla Factory's concoction...but along the way it just became a pursuit of damn good salsa - and many have told me that's what I make.

Some kitchen notes about the recipe:
• The recipe we got didn't have mixing instructions. I use a blender, and I put the cilantro in first.  Once all the ingredients are in, I just pulse it until everything's mixed and chopped nicely...being careful to not liquify.  I like it to have some texture.
• For those that don't have a kitchen scale, 3-4 oz of cilantro is about what most grocery stores sell as a bunch, and that's with just the very bottoms of the stems trimmed off. It's going to seem like an awful lot of Cilantro - but roll with it. 
• I have made several batches that ended up with a dominance of onion flavor. To prevent this - use a medium onion on the smaller side, or use a half or 3/4 - depending on the strength of the onion. 
• Fresh tomatoes might seem like a better idea than canned, but I've tried it both ways and with numerous varieties of tomatoes, and my conclusion is the canned is not only easier but tastes better.  Furthermore, I always use San Marzano tomatoes.  They're more expensive, and worth it.

1 28oz can tomatos
1 Medium sweet onion - chopped
2 tsp prepared chopped fresh garlic
2 tsp oregano (Mexican oregano preferred)
2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbs black pepper - fresh ground
1 tbs Tabasco
3-4 oz cilantro - chopped
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/4 cup corn oil

A note about chips.  The Tortilla Factory's chips were very crisp and thin.  The closest Mason and I have found are a brand called Xochitl.  I find them at Whole Foods and Wegman's consistently.  I've heard Walmart and Giant sell them, too - but have looked and never seen them there.  An alternate is Tostitos Cantina Thin & Crispy.  Those are available pretty much everywhere.

If you try it - I invite you to come back and let me know what you think.  Also - please leave a comment if you made any variations and/or substitutions! 

Lack of Discretion

I look at Facebook pretty much every day...often several times a day.  I like to see what my friends are up to, see pictures, quotes, humor, art, and read about the events that surround their lives.

Unfortunately, there are those who feel like Facebook is their own personal editorial column regarding issues relating to politics, religion, and other matters I feel deserve a greater degree of discretion.

Yesterday, I came across the following quote - and although laced with humor, there is a layer of truth I can't ignore.

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Religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one, and it’s fine to be proud of it.  But please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around....and please don’t try to shove it down my throat.

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Incidentally, I generally feel the same way about vegetarianism, politics, and other personal beliefs. Just because you have access to a public forum doesn't mean you should haphazardly use it as a vehicle to gain acceptance for your personal beliefs. Consider that it might be more empowering to keep your personal beliefs personal, rather than to blindly seek acceptance.